Today's mood :>
今天是Selangor假期。一个人驾车去Cheras吃午餐，途中还昏昏欲睡，因为昨晚一整晚都没睡。点餐后，原本还窃喜可以一个人霸完整间餐厅，听着很relax的音乐，安安静静地享受假日午餐。忽然有两个cinapek的uncle走进来，讲话大声，还一直敲桌子。什么mood都没了。吃完后，便去Sunway Pyramid找惠恩，陪她吃饭。过后因为太睏了，所以一回到家就直接睡到半夜十二点半。哈哈。。一个假期就这样完了。
该把心情收拾一下了。
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
I had a great life
Today's mood :>
I had a great life.
I didn't have a job, but my full time freelance income is pretty stable and more than enough to survive.
I didn't own a car, but there's always someone who could drive me.
I had a bf, although he can't satisfy my romantic needs, but he never cheated on me, yet, his parents love me like their own daughter.
I have family who is understanding and never give up on me, luckily, they still do.
What else I can ask for?
I know, this blog is full of negative thoughts. But this is where I can shoot out everything I feel.
Tell me why,
Why are these happening to me?
I don't want to blame everything on me trusting friends, but it's always "friends" that get me into troubles.
Is this how my life would end? With no achievements, no companions, just an empty soul?
God,
I didn't do anything bad. At least, I didn't have intention to hurt anyone..
Why???
I had a great life.
I didn't have a job, but my full time freelance income is pretty stable and more than enough to survive.
I didn't own a car, but there's always someone who could drive me.
I had a bf, although he can't satisfy my romantic needs, but he never cheated on me, yet, his parents love me like their own daughter.
I have family who is understanding and never give up on me, luckily, they still do.
What else I can ask for?
I know, this blog is full of negative thoughts. But this is where I can shoot out everything I feel.
Tell me why,
Why are these happening to me?
I don't want to blame everything on me trusting friends, but it's always "friends" that get me into troubles.
Is this how my life would end? With no achievements, no companions, just an empty soul?
God,
I didn't do anything bad. At least, I didn't have intention to hurt anyone..
Why???
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Cried on CNY
Today's mood :>
It has been a year since we broke up. Don't you just hate packing up your stuff and saw something you hid and wish you'd never see it again? I saw my closed photo frame with photo of me and him. I closed it back and left it at a side. I don't want to see it yet I can't throw it away. After awhile, I clean up my desktop, copying the cluttered folders and files on the desktop to the other drive. Again, photos of me and him.
I started crying. Not that I want to be with him again. It's just..it's been a year, a lot of things happened. And I finally found out the truth. But the truth doesn't matter to him anymore now.
3 years I have been staying with him, that meant a lot to me. His family is like my 2nd home. I'm sad because, 1) I planned to live the rest of my life with him, if he ever propose, and it's gone now. 2) I couldn't take care and listen to his mom when she's upset, not anymore. 3) All my plan is ruined by some idiot that I used to try my best to trust.
He's not perfect, I know. But at least, he put down his pride which he held on to it so much and went to my house to look for me after I ran off. Imagine, my family couldn't speak English well, and he's a 'banana'. For that moment I know, I'm as important as his pride to him. People out there, do you think your bf loves you more if he buys you everything you want? Or carry your bag and follow you shopping? Well, I actually judge his love by his intention. Think deeper.
I should stop this shit, thinking bout the past. But I would like him to know, the truth, though it doesn't matter anymore.
Gong Xi Fa Cai and have a Happy Bunny Year ahead, people.
FML.
It has been a year since we broke up. Don't you just hate packing up your stuff and saw something you hid and wish you'd never see it again? I saw my closed photo frame with photo of me and him. I closed it back and left it at a side. I don't want to see it yet I can't throw it away. After awhile, I clean up my desktop, copying the cluttered folders and files on the desktop to the other drive. Again, photos of me and him.
I started crying. Not that I want to be with him again. It's just..it's been a year, a lot of things happened. And I finally found out the truth. But the truth doesn't matter to him anymore now.
3 years I have been staying with him, that meant a lot to me. His family is like my 2nd home. I'm sad because, 1) I planned to live the rest of my life with him, if he ever propose, and it's gone now. 2) I couldn't take care and listen to his mom when she's upset, not anymore. 3) All my plan is ruined by some idiot that I used to try my best to trust.
He's not perfect, I know. But at least, he put down his pride which he held on to it so much and went to my house to look for me after I ran off. Imagine, my family couldn't speak English well, and he's a 'banana'. For that moment I know, I'm as important as his pride to him. People out there, do you think your bf loves you more if he buys you everything you want? Or carry your bag and follow you shopping? Well, I actually judge his love by his intention. Think deeper.
I should stop this shit, thinking bout the past. But I would like him to know, the truth, though it doesn't matter anymore.
Gong Xi Fa Cai and have a Happy Bunny Year ahead, people.
FML.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I miss old days
Today's mood :>
it has been half year since that day. i've never seen you since then. i know u've moved on and i shouldn't have even care about it. and im sure u don't even miss the days we have been tru together.
it's really like a smack in my head and woke up and wondering what happened. things that we used to do together suddenly nvr happen again. i always thought that i'm reaching the ending that i expected and wanted, but my future just changed within a night.
i couldn't hide anymore. i didn't tell anybody that i still miss u. still crying for u now. in fact, i don't have anybody to talk to. u didn't know that i have no choice that day. u didn't know how cruel u've been that night.
u don't know that i didn't want to let go even u broke my heart. that's bcuz i wan to live the rest of my life with u. tell me what happened that night and after that. i really wanted to listen to u, talk, and we get over it. but u don't know the reason why i can't talk to u. that the time i need u the most.
just come. and take me away with u. i miss u, and the old days.
it has been half year since that day. i've never seen you since then. i know u've moved on and i shouldn't have even care about it. and im sure u don't even miss the days we have been tru together.
it's really like a smack in my head and woke up and wondering what happened. things that we used to do together suddenly nvr happen again. i always thought that i'm reaching the ending that i expected and wanted, but my future just changed within a night.
i couldn't hide anymore. i didn't tell anybody that i still miss u. still crying for u now. in fact, i don't have anybody to talk to. u didn't know that i have no choice that day. u didn't know how cruel u've been that night.
u don't know that i didn't want to let go even u broke my heart. that's bcuz i wan to live the rest of my life with u. tell me what happened that night and after that. i really wanted to listen to u, talk, and we get over it. but u don't know the reason why i can't talk to u. that the time i need u the most.
just come. and take me away with u. i miss u, and the old days.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Random
Today's mood :>
I'm listening Jaycee Fong's Liang Ge Ren (2 person), super emo song. argh.
Maybe I don't know how to live with another half of me. No matter how much I desperate for hugs, caring or love.
My path is a one-way-street and I can't turn back anymore. I miss, i do miss, miss everything in the past. A smile or laughter would satisfy me.
It's not that I get emo everytime I drank. It's just that beer can make your cautious level drops, hence my right brain take over left brain and let go of my inner emo. I'm not random, but I hope someone could understand me. I hope that someone would appear and give me a hug and cry with me...
I'm listening Jaycee Fong's Liang Ge Ren (2 person), super emo song. argh.
Maybe I don't know how to live with another half of me. No matter how much I desperate for hugs, caring or love.
My path is a one-way-street and I can't turn back anymore. I miss, i do miss, miss everything in the past. A smile or laughter would satisfy me.
It's not that I get emo everytime I drank. It's just that beer can make your cautious level drops, hence my right brain take over left brain and let go of my inner emo. I'm not random, but I hope someone could understand me. I hope that someone would appear and give me a hug and cry with me...
Monday, September 13, 2010
The loneliness of single life
Today's mood :>
Honestly I had never been single since...Form 2.
And it's my first time being so 'free' since started working.
Kinda depressed. I used to have his companion.
I tried to enjoy being alone,
but I still wish to have someone to share my joy and tears with.
Wholly I tried to give my true heart away,
but everybody starts to tear it off now..as if it doesn't cost a thing.
So stupid. I started evaluate myself. Foolish dumb.
I looked so high on myself,
but nobody thought like what I think of myself.
This is the truth.
I thought I'm trustworthy, but in fact, nobody trust me.
I thought I'm a good girlfriend, but in fact, my ex doesn't feel the same.
I thought I could be a soulmate, but in fact, they never open their hearts for me.
I'm feeling like I'm waiting for something..
but what/who am I waiting for?
God, please tell me, did You make the another half of me?
Or I'm made to be alone and live in my own world?
Honestly I had never been single since...Form 2.
And it's my first time being so 'free' since started working.
Kinda depressed. I used to have his companion.
I tried to enjoy being alone,
but I still wish to have someone to share my joy and tears with.
Wholly I tried to give my true heart away,
but everybody starts to tear it off now..as if it doesn't cost a thing.
So stupid. I started evaluate myself. Foolish dumb.
I looked so high on myself,
but nobody thought like what I think of myself.
This is the truth.
I thought I'm trustworthy, but in fact, nobody trust me.
I thought I'm a good girlfriend, but in fact, my ex doesn't feel the same.
I thought I could be a soulmate, but in fact, they never open their hearts for me.
I'm feeling like I'm waiting for something..
but what/who am I waiting for?
God, please tell me, did You make the another half of me?
Or I'm made to be alone and live in my own world?
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Stalker
Today's mood :>
I should stop stalking.
There's enough evidence of him dating her.
Why am I reading other ppl's love story?
Tell me what so bad about me and what I've done wrong.
I'm not being confident but I usually could judge myself.
I didn't dare to face him last night.
I tried to avoid unneeded complicated atmosphere.
Afraid that I couldn't help myself and fall again.
But it's clear enough.
He is a teenager.
He doesn't serious on relationship.
He is lack of the sense of responsibility.
He doesn't respect love.
He had already lost every byte of memory about me.
Which I nicely kept it in my brain.
He had found another girl and moved on.
And I should also
.
.
.
Stand up. Step out. Move on.
I should stop stalking.
There's enough evidence of him dating her.
Why am I reading other ppl's love story?
Tell me what so bad about me and what I've done wrong.
I'm not being confident but I usually could judge myself.
I didn't dare to face him last night.
I tried to avoid unneeded complicated atmosphere.
Afraid that I couldn't help myself and fall again.
But it's clear enough.
He is a teenager.
He doesn't serious on relationship.
He is lack of the sense of responsibility.
He doesn't respect love.
He had already lost every byte of memory about me.
Which I nicely kept it in my brain.
He had found another girl and moved on.
And I should also
.
.
.
Stand up. Step out. Move on.
Friday, September 03, 2010
In a fight
Today's mood :>
Nobody can give u true happiness but yourself.
A person who can make u laugh is the person who can make u cry too.
My friend said,
it's just that I haven't found the right person to love and be loved.
I love this line.
I know u'r bored with this miserable side of me.
Whom u tried so hard to save from depression,
yet I fell again.
Please forgive me,
and don't give up on me yet.
I might not be a good friend,
but I'm glad to have u by my side.
.
.
.
I'm in a fight with my own emotion.
Nobody can give u true happiness but yourself.
A person who can make u laugh is the person who can make u cry too.
My friend said,
it's just that I haven't found the right person to love and be loved.
I love this line.
I know u'r bored with this miserable side of me.
Whom u tried so hard to save from depression,
yet I fell again.
Please forgive me,
and don't give up on me yet.
I might not be a good friend,
but I'm glad to have u by my side.
.
.
.
I'm in a fight with my own emotion.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Is it just me?
Today's mood :>
Clock's ticking...
I don't know if his FB status are referring me. my heart goes 50/50.
I hope yes, maybe no.
Why can't we talk over it?
Why can't we talk?
Why can't we?
Phone's not ringing...
I've been waiting for months to hear my phone ringing that special ringtone.
I hope yes, right now.
Who is the one you can give your heart to?
Who is the one you can live without?
Who is the one you can share secrets?
.
.
.
Jealousy is killing me, and my hope too.
Clock's ticking...
I don't know if his FB status are referring me. my heart goes 50/50.
I hope yes, maybe no.
Why can't we talk over it?
Why can't we talk?
Why can't we?
Phone's not ringing...
I've been waiting for months to hear my phone ringing that special ringtone.
I hope yes, right now.
Who is the one you can give your heart to?
Who is the one you can live without?
Who is the one you can share secrets?
.
.
.
Jealousy is killing me, and my hope too.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Closest Stranger
Today's mood :>
I tot it has been too long that we didn't meet each other,
that's why we become the closest stranger to each other.
But now it doesn't seem like that anymore.
It became totally stranger.
I don't know u anymore..
the distance between our heart is further than the milky way.
I can't sense u.
I can't remember ur voice.
I can't recall the feeling i felt with u.
I can't imagine how we hugged and kissed.
I can't feel like we know each other.
But I feel really depressed.
I still don't want to accept that i might already able to let go of u.
.
.
.
Or I can't accept that u left?
I tot it has been too long that we didn't meet each other,
that's why we become the closest stranger to each other.
But now it doesn't seem like that anymore.
It became totally stranger.
I don't know u anymore..
the distance between our heart is further than the milky way.
I can't sense u.
I can't remember ur voice.
I can't recall the feeling i felt with u.
I can't imagine how we hugged and kissed.
I can't feel like we know each other.
But I feel really depressed.
I still don't want to accept that i might already able to let go of u.
.
.
.
Or I can't accept that u left?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I don't know why
Today's mood :>
Damn.
I can't sleep. Let's give it an excuse, i took afternoon nap at 5pm.
i dunno why i like to live my life like a math question.
we don't really need an answer to everything i guess.
we don't need to know everything.
all we need is just to make ourselves happy without making others suffer.
what's going on with u?
what's going on with me?
what's going on with us?
what's going on with this world?
i feel like watching stars. i wanna be a star. (not celebrity)
be out of the space, be out of the noise, be out of the emotion
but i don't wanna leave this world..
what am i waiting for? what am i looking forward to?
.
.
.
maybe i never know how to make myself happy.
Damn.
I can't sleep. Let's give it an excuse, i took afternoon nap at 5pm.
i dunno why i like to live my life like a math question.
we don't really need an answer to everything i guess.
we don't need to know everything.
all we need is just to make ourselves happy without making others suffer.
what's going on with u?
what's going on with me?
what's going on with us?
what's going on with this world?
i feel like watching stars. i wanna be a star. (not celebrity)
be out of the space, be out of the noise, be out of the emotion
but i don't wanna leave this world..
what am i waiting for? what am i looking forward to?
.
.
.
maybe i never know how to make myself happy.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Interviews
Today's mood :>
I'm looking for job, so I applied 3 jobs in JobStreet. 2 replied. And both interviewed on last Thursday. 1 is walk-in interview, another 1 is phone interview.
Interview #1
I reached there half an hour earlier than appointed time. So I filled up the application form and then waited for about 15 mins for the interviewer to come in office and interview me. While I was waiting, I looked around and found out that the company is kinda old school for me as a web design agency. There's no LCD screen to be seen, but 3 netbooks and 2 CRT (1 supposed to be the server and the other 1 was receptionist one). There's an aquarium with fishes inside and a punch card machine which I think is good, OT will be counted :D
The interviewer read through my resume and asked me why did I resign from the companies ONE BY ONE. And silly me told him the truth. I quit from Company A because my senior was leaving, there's nobody to guide me or even teach me new stuff plus the company has sucks management, always OT till late night. He 'replied' me with boss' voice "Office is a place for you to work, NOT A SCHOOL". And I thought "no wonder your company website still stay in 90's look and never update, cuz you scared of learning new stuff". I quit from Company B because I wanted to help out my bf's company which also a web design company. He again 'replied' me "now you did the biggest mistake in our line. what a company scared most is you get client from company and make them yours". This I can understand, but I never did that, God knows. I'm a trustworthy person k, but he's too afraid to trust his employee then I can't help lah.
So conclusion, he told me his company's 'rules' that 1)I have to work for 12 months once I'm employed and not allowed to resign to ensure I work more than 1 year 2)After you resign, you can't own business of same interest with the company for at least 12 months. If you can accept this, please wait for our feedback.
Interview #2
This interviewer called from Singapore, he sounds like 'guai lou' @_@ First I sked I can't understand but so far so good.. I can mostly understand his english. He asked me about the company I worked in previously ONE BY ONE, it's not about how I resign, but how I felt working in those companies. I even told him I can't pass the probation in the first company, that was because I was too fresh and lack of working experience.
After I told him everything about me, then he told me everything about the agency, from top to bottom, from head to toe. OMG ><" He said there's alot talented creative person in the company who can lead me to higher level and they interested in explore new media and apply on the clients' projects accordingly. That is exactly what I'm looking for.
BUT, there's a test awaits me. A flash banner and a flash microsite, to test my conceptualizing and design skills. If they like them, then I'll be 'invited' to do presentation to them to test my communication skills. @_@ I seriously feel stress though I like that. This kinda test will really show whether the interviewee is dragon or worm. I wish I could handle it le..hmm.
Well that's all ba. Wish me luck! ><"
I'm looking for job, so I applied 3 jobs in JobStreet. 2 replied. And both interviewed on last Thursday. 1 is walk-in interview, another 1 is phone interview.
Interview #1
I reached there half an hour earlier than appointed time. So I filled up the application form and then waited for about 15 mins for the interviewer to come in office and interview me. While I was waiting, I looked around and found out that the company is kinda old school for me as a web design agency. There's no LCD screen to be seen, but 3 netbooks and 2 CRT (1 supposed to be the server and the other 1 was receptionist one). There's an aquarium with fishes inside and a punch card machine which I think is good, OT will be counted :D
The interviewer read through my resume and asked me why did I resign from the companies ONE BY ONE. And silly me told him the truth. I quit from Company A because my senior was leaving, there's nobody to guide me or even teach me new stuff plus the company has sucks management, always OT till late night. He 'replied' me with boss' voice "Office is a place for you to work, NOT A SCHOOL". And I thought "no wonder your company website still stay in 90's look and never update, cuz you scared of learning new stuff". I quit from Company B because I wanted to help out my bf's company which also a web design company. He again 'replied' me "now you did the biggest mistake in our line. what a company scared most is you get client from company and make them yours". This I can understand, but I never did that, God knows. I'm a trustworthy person k, but he's too afraid to trust his employee then I can't help lah.
So conclusion, he told me his company's 'rules' that 1)I have to work for 12 months once I'm employed and not allowed to resign to ensure I work more than 1 year 2)After you resign, you can't own business of same interest with the company for at least 12 months. If you can accept this, please wait for our feedback.
Interview #2
This interviewer called from Singapore, he sounds like 'guai lou' @_@ First I sked I can't understand but so far so good.. I can mostly understand his english. He asked me about the company I worked in previously ONE BY ONE, it's not about how I resign, but how I felt working in those companies. I even told him I can't pass the probation in the first company, that was because I was too fresh and lack of working experience.
After I told him everything about me, then he told me everything about the agency, from top to bottom, from head to toe. OMG ><" He said there's alot talented creative person in the company who can lead me to higher level and they interested in explore new media and apply on the clients' projects accordingly. That is exactly what I'm looking for.
BUT, there's a test awaits me. A flash banner and a flash microsite, to test my conceptualizing and design skills. If they like them, then I'll be 'invited' to do presentation to them to test my communication skills. @_@ I seriously feel stress though I like that. This kinda test will really show whether the interviewee is dragon or worm. I wish I could handle it le..hmm.
Well that's all ba. Wish me luck! ><"
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I'm single
Today's mood :>
Ok. This is no April Fool's joke. Serious.
R.I.P
(1 Jan 2007 - 5 April 2010)
Ok. This is no April Fool's joke. Serious.
R.I.P
(1 Jan 2007 - 5 April 2010)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Nocturnes 夜曲
Today's mood :>
I actually like to listen to nocturnes.. especially when im alone or at night.. it makes me feel calm.. very hard to describe.. something like floating in the sky of stars.. freedom and peace..hmm.. listen to the video below then u get what i mean..
I actually like to listen to nocturnes.. especially when im alone or at night.. it makes me feel calm.. very hard to describe.. something like floating in the sky of stars.. freedom and peace..hmm.. listen to the video below then u get what i mean..
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Down
Today's mood :>
Hey. Someone asked for my blog URL, so I better post something XP
I'm not in the mood these days. Erm.. Lost a friend. NO, he's still alive! Just realized that he removed me as friend in FB. I know it's small stuff, nothing important though. I just wonder why ler.. becuz i didnt comment on his posts? Or i'm just not having enough value to stay in his friend list? I didn't click "Add as friend" again. Just let it be ba..
There's always bottom line on everything.
You should care about others more than yourself but not until you hurt your ownself.
You should care about yourself but not until you hurt someone else.
Find the middle line and stick with it.
I wish, Friendship Forever.
ps : i still like choki2, stopped eating it doesnt mean i hate it. *peace*
Hey. Someone asked for my blog URL, so I better post something XP
I'm not in the mood these days. Erm.. Lost a friend. NO, he's still alive! Just realized that he removed me as friend in FB. I know it's small stuff, nothing important though. I just wonder why ler.. becuz i didnt comment on his posts? Or i'm just not having enough value to stay in his friend list? I didn't click "Add as friend" again. Just let it be ba..
There's always bottom line on everything.
You should care about others more than yourself but not until you hurt your ownself.
You should care about yourself but not until you hurt someone else.
Find the middle line and stick with it.
I wish, Friendship Forever.
ps : i still like choki2, stopped eating it doesnt mean i hate it. *peace*
Monday, February 01, 2010
Inspired
Today's mood :>
LOL why i suddenly blog, cuz today i watched TVIQ (yeah, small kid channel), The English Room, it was about blogging.. so er.. just some random update! mwuahaha.. if you ever wonder where had i been and how am i after quitting my job in august, here it is!
Since i quit my job in August 2009, im now a fulltime freelancer doing web designs. not fulltime housewife, i still do work to earn my own money. sometimes (well, most of the times) i'll be knitting or crocheting something, one after another. I'm kinda into handicraft/handmake stuff, not pro, just interested. so i suddenly bought 2 domains and still not yet design anything yet. those 2 are, meow.com.my and zakka.com.my. NO, don't click on them, still waiting for me to stretch my lazy bones. ><" but do feel free to check out my knitting/crochet works in flickr..
other than staying at home doing basically nothing but surfing net, i do go to gym.. haha.. wth, im gaining weight instead of losing it. my little (too much) tummy just love me so much, it doesnt wanna get off me.. so I'm still the same.. maybe suppers problem.. sigh.
Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Hei Fatt Choy to everybody.. :)
LOL why i suddenly blog, cuz today i watched TVIQ (yeah, small kid channel), The English Room, it was about blogging.. so er.. just some random update! mwuahaha.. if you ever wonder where had i been and how am i after quitting my job in august, here it is!
Since i quit my job in August 2009, im now a fulltime freelancer doing web designs. not fulltime housewife, i still do work to earn my own money. sometimes (well, most of the times) i'll be knitting or crocheting something, one after another. I'm kinda into handicraft/handmake stuff, not pro, just interested. so i suddenly bought 2 domains and still not yet design anything yet. those 2 are, meow.com.my and zakka.com.my. NO, don't click on them, still waiting for me to stretch my lazy bones. ><" but do feel free to check out my knitting/crochet works in flickr..
other than staying at home doing basically nothing but surfing net, i do go to gym.. haha.. wth, im gaining weight instead of losing it. my little (too much) tummy just love me so much, it doesnt wanna get off me.. so I'm still the same.. maybe suppers problem.. sigh.
Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Hei Fatt Choy to everybody.. :)
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
My cousin
Today's mood :>
上个星期四，是我在Uno最后一天上班。放工后大伙一起吃韩国BBQ。吃后大家都纷纷回家去。当我在去停车场的路上，无意间看见我的表姐和她的男友在咖啡厅里。我已经快2年没见过她了。两年前，我听说她与她妈不合，所以搬出去住了。我实在非常高兴遇见她，没想太多就过去哈啦了。她和她的男友都比以前胖多了，那该证明了生活居住饮食良好。大家都问同一个超常用的开场白-"几时结婚啊？"哈哈。。
聊呀聊的，竟然提起4年前发生的事件。她很惊讶我隐瞒了她，如果我有找她谈至少能让她能安慰我。。我怎能说得出口呢。。
至今我还再想，如果当初的决定是相反的话，结局也会不一样吗？是不是后悔了呢？其实也没有后悔当初的决定，毕竟那不是我一个人能决定得了。。只不过，那阴影和因果总让我心疼，想找他哭诉一切。。
我们总是没把事情说清楚。他从来不提，我却不敢过问。他心底其实到底有没有丁点不舍？我是不是只有一个人为那事件哭泣？要怎么做才能完全放下所有？
上个星期四，是我在Uno最后一天上班。放工后大伙一起吃韩国BBQ。吃后大家都纷纷回家去。当我在去停车场的路上，无意间看见我的表姐和她的男友在咖啡厅里。我已经快2年没见过她了。两年前，我听说她与她妈不合，所以搬出去住了。我实在非常高兴遇见她，没想太多就过去哈啦了。她和她的男友都比以前胖多了，那该证明了生活居住饮食良好。大家都问同一个超常用的开场白-"几时结婚啊？"哈哈。。
聊呀聊的，竟然提起4年前发生的事件。她很惊讶我隐瞒了她，如果我有找她谈至少能让她能安慰我。。我怎能说得出口呢。。
至今我还再想，如果当初的决定是相反的话，结局也会不一样吗？是不是后悔了呢？其实也没有后悔当初的决定，毕竟那不是我一个人能决定得了。。只不过，那阴影和因果总让我心疼，想找他哭诉一切。。
我们总是没把事情说清楚。他从来不提，我却不敢过问。他心底其实到底有没有丁点不舍？我是不是只有一个人为那事件哭泣？要怎么做才能完全放下所有？
Monday, August 10, 2009
Am I a bad daughter?
Today's mood :>
I already moved out from my family's house for almost 3 years. I go back like once or twice a month. No, it's not far from the place im staying now, around 20 mins drive. Now I dun feel like moving back honestly. I'm wondering am i really the worst daughter in the world..
my mom always call me. It sounds good, but the fact is she just ask money from me. YES, I know, as a son or daughter we should pay back to parents as they gave birth and feed us for us to grow up and be orang berguna. But is that all you can talk to your daughter who has been staying in other house for almost 3 years? Can't u just ask bout my work or life? I'm not earning much from my work. Though my kind bro borrow me his car for me to drive to work in Mont Kiara, I had to pay all my expenses other than car loan. One of my friend even told me that she thinks I'm stingy. I didn't put any effort to belanja or even ajak friends to go yum cha. The question is, can I afford to do that? Do you notice I always wear same pair of sport shoes everyday? And I only have 1 pair of jeans? And I only have 1 hand bag?
Honestly I get quite pissed and even sometimes very sad that I couldnt earn much. I can't have the life I want to live in. Im off for now. Just to rant. Still office hour. Ciaoz.
I already moved out from my family's house for almost 3 years. I go back like once or twice a month. No, it's not far from the place im staying now, around 20 mins drive. Now I dun feel like moving back honestly. I'm wondering am i really the worst daughter in the world..
my mom always call me. It sounds good, but the fact is she just ask money from me. YES, I know, as a son or daughter we should pay back to parents as they gave birth and feed us for us to grow up and be orang berguna. But is that all you can talk to your daughter who has been staying in other house for almost 3 years? Can't u just ask bout my work or life? I'm not earning much from my work. Though my kind bro borrow me his car for me to drive to work in Mont Kiara, I had to pay all my expenses other than car loan. One of my friend even told me that she thinks I'm stingy. I didn't put any effort to belanja or even ajak friends to go yum cha. The question is, can I afford to do that? Do you notice I always wear same pair of sport shoes everyday? And I only have 1 pair of jeans? And I only have 1 hand bag?
Honestly I get quite pissed and even sometimes very sad that I couldnt earn much. I can't have the life I want to live in. Im off for now. Just to rant. Still office hour. Ciaoz.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
2 + 2 (unexpected) Leave Taken in June 2009
Today's mood :>
olaa... let's update u about my June 2009 before the July ended.. LOL.. last month was super 'exciting' in a way that most of the things are unexpected.. lets start.
12 June 2009 (Fri)
I drove to work as usual, while I stopped near Jalan Kuchai Lama waiting traffic light to turn into Jalan Klang Lama, I heard some 'PAKKK' sound loudly on my left. I turned n saw my left passenger window was WHITE in color. I was wondering who the heck splash water on my glass, but when i looked closely, I saw cracks and motorcycle beside the window. "F***, dun tell me 'that story' gonna happen on me" I told myself. The next second before I could grab my bag on the passenger seat next to me, the snatch thief broke the window n grabbed it away. Of cuz, they 'vroom' and larikan diri. the next second, i finally came back and screamed 'F***!!!!!!!!!!!' and horn. Alot of people asked me why dont i bang the thieves. If i could, i would. i was stucked in the middle of the long queue, and FYI, there's a pasar pagi on my right, mamak stalls on my left. They are probably 'pro' in doing those stuff. I heard ppl in the mamak stall asked if i can drive. i didnt even look at them, i started my car (i think my car mati engine after window kena broken) and u-turn back to home. After calming down, Mr Ho drove me to block atm cards in the nearest banks. While on the way, we saw policemen standing on the road side, we stopped and asked where to get police report cuz my bag kena snatch bla bla. The policeman said "OH SO YOU ARE THE BLACK PROTON WIRA NEAR THE KUCHAI LAMA? I SAW YOU AND WANTED TO HELP YOU, BUT YOU DROVE AWAY" ... i was so speechless. help me then chase the motorcyclist. what is 'BUT YOU DROVE AWAY'? so my company is kind enough to gimme 1 day leave to settle my stuff. my advice, DO NOT PUT YOUR BAG ON THE PASSENGER SEAT. maybe u heard it a thousand times from anybody, but dun assume that it wont happen to you. that's my mistake.
18 - 19 June 2009 (Thurs - Fri)
actually my whole trip to Koh Samui is 18 - 21 june, but i only took 18 n 19 June as they are working days. I woke up 3am in the morning on the day of my flight to Koh Samui at 4.30pm just to do research what to do in Koh Samui. 4 of us reached there around dinner time. We checked in our hotel and had our approx rm140+ per person dinner before we get a tour package around the island at the 'tourist information' counter beside the restaurant. the next day, we went around the island in a van and took a number of photos including all the famous 'tourist-must-see' places. At night, we had cheaper dinner in some stall 'hiding' in the small lane. well we enjoyed thai horror drama there too. haha. i noticed that their orange juice taste like mandarin orange. @_@ On the third day, we went snorkeling around Koh Tao and Koh Nang Yuan. We had our free dinner at hotel which including in our hotel package. OMG their dinner is 'scary' and filling. the salad which came first probably can fill up ur whole stomach already. coming up next was the coconut milk soup, something like that but it tastes exactly like Tom Yam Gong. O_O then, the main course is some spicy spaghetti and then dessert is..fruits!! and then me and my fren secretly planned a birthday surprise for my other fren whose birthday is on 21 June (the day we will be coming back to KL). sadly, she's not surprised and not even like...er...appreciate? sigh, whatever. I did my best. The next day is our last day in koh samui, we went shopping and had Pizza Hut for our lunch+tea time before we go to the airport. the Pizza Hut there got pork rib 1 lo, but not as nice as Malaysia's Gu Lou Yuk lar.. LOL. we almost late to the airport. when we arrived there, the counter said 'CLOSE' i was like 'omgwtfccbknn!#&$(%*!#$(*' we were told that the plane which we suppose to get in had engine problem, so the flight will be delay to the next day..... which is MONDAY! tho they pay for our EXTRA night in Koh Samui, i just dun feel like stay there anymore!!! For the first time I miss Malaysia so much. :P
22 June 2009 (Monday)
Yeah that's the EXTRA day in Koh Samui. I asked Mr Ho to email my boss to tell the story. Sigh... my leave just wasted like that. I took Berjaya Air to go Koh Samui but came back with Firefly. well that gives me extra experience.. hehe..
Thats all.. I seriously dunno why am i so unlucky in June..
olaa... let's update u about my June 2009 before the July ended.. LOL.. last month was super 'exciting' in a way that most of the things are unexpected.. lets start.
12 June 2009 (Fri)
I drove to work as usual, while I stopped near Jalan Kuchai Lama waiting traffic light to turn into Jalan Klang Lama, I heard some 'PAKKK' sound loudly on my left. I turned n saw my left passenger window was WHITE in color. I was wondering who the heck splash water on my glass, but when i looked closely, I saw cracks and motorcycle beside the window. "F***, dun tell me 'that story' gonna happen on me" I told myself. The next second before I could grab my bag on the passenger seat next to me, the snatch thief broke the window n grabbed it away. Of cuz, they 'vroom' and larikan diri. the next second, i finally came back and screamed 'F***!!!!!!!!!!!' and horn. Alot of people asked me why dont i bang the thieves. If i could, i would. i was stucked in the middle of the long queue, and FYI, there's a pasar pagi on my right, mamak stalls on my left. They are probably 'pro' in doing those stuff. I heard ppl in the mamak stall asked if i can drive. i didnt even look at them, i started my car (i think my car mati engine after window kena broken) and u-turn back to home. After calming down, Mr Ho drove me to block atm cards in the nearest banks. While on the way, we saw policemen standing on the road side, we stopped and asked where to get police report cuz my bag kena snatch bla bla. The policeman said "OH SO YOU ARE THE BLACK PROTON WIRA NEAR THE KUCHAI LAMA? I SAW YOU AND WANTED TO HELP YOU, BUT YOU DROVE AWAY" ... i was so speechless. help me then chase the motorcyclist. what is 'BUT YOU DROVE AWAY'? so my company is kind enough to gimme 1 day leave to settle my stuff. my advice, DO NOT PUT YOUR BAG ON THE PASSENGER SEAT. maybe u heard it a thousand times from anybody, but dun assume that it wont happen to you. that's my mistake.
18 - 19 June 2009 (Thurs - Fri)
actually my whole trip to Koh Samui is 18 - 21 june, but i only took 18 n 19 June as they are working days. I woke up 3am in the morning on the day of my flight to Koh Samui at 4.30pm just to do research what to do in Koh Samui. 4 of us reached there around dinner time. We checked in our hotel and had our approx rm140+ per person dinner before we get a tour package around the island at the 'tourist information' counter beside the restaurant. the next day, we went around the island in a van and took a number of photos including all the famous 'tourist-must-see' places. At night, we had cheaper dinner in some stall 'hiding' in the small lane. well we enjoyed thai horror drama there too. haha. i noticed that their orange juice taste like mandarin orange. @_@ On the third day, we went snorkeling around Koh Tao and Koh Nang Yuan. We had our free dinner at hotel which including in our hotel package. OMG their dinner is 'scary' and filling. the salad which came first probably can fill up ur whole stomach already. coming up next was the coconut milk soup, something like that but it tastes exactly like Tom Yam Gong. O_O then, the main course is some spicy spaghetti and then dessert is..fruits!! and then me and my fren secretly planned a birthday surprise for my other fren whose birthday is on 21 June (the day we will be coming back to KL). sadly, she's not surprised and not even like...er...appreciate? sigh, whatever. I did my best. The next day is our last day in koh samui, we went shopping and had Pizza Hut for our lunch+tea time before we go to the airport. the Pizza Hut there got pork rib 1 lo, but not as nice as Malaysia's Gu Lou Yuk lar.. LOL. we almost late to the airport. when we arrived there, the counter said 'CLOSE' i was like 'omgwtfccbknn!#&$(%*!#$(*' we were told that the plane which we suppose to get in had engine problem, so the flight will be delay to the next day..... which is MONDAY! tho they pay for our EXTRA night in Koh Samui, i just dun feel like stay there anymore!!! For the first time I miss Malaysia so much. :P
22 June 2009 (Monday)
Yeah that's the EXTRA day in Koh Samui. I asked Mr Ho to email my boss to tell the story. Sigh... my leave just wasted like that. I took Berjaya Air to go Koh Samui but came back with Firefly. well that gives me extra experience.. hehe..
Thats all.. I seriously dunno why am i so unlucky in June..
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