Cried on CNY

Today's mood :>

It has been a year since we broke up. Don't you just hate packing up your stuff and saw something you hid and wish you'd never see it again? I saw my closed photo frame with photo of me and him. I closed it back and left it at a side. I don't want to see it yet I can't throw it away. After awhile, I clean up my desktop, copying the cluttered folders and files on the desktop to the other drive. Again, photos of me and him.

I started crying. Not that I want to be with him again. It's just..it's been a year, a lot of things happened. And I finally found out the truth. But the truth doesn't matter to him anymore now.

3 years I have been staying with him, that meant a lot to me. His family is like my 2nd home. I'm sad because, 1) I planned to live the rest of my life with him, if he ever propose, and it's gone now. 2) I couldn't take care and listen to his mom when she's upset, not anymore. 3) All my plan is ruined by some idiot that I used to try my best to trust.

He's not perfect, I know. But at least, he put down his pride which he held on to it so much and went to my house to look for me after I ran off. Imagine, my family couldn't speak English well, and he's a 'banana'. For that moment I know, I'm as important as his pride to him. People out there, do you think your bf loves you more if he buys you everything you want? Or carry your bag and follow you shopping? Well, I actually judge his love by his intention. Think deeper.

I should stop this shit, thinking bout the past. But I would like him to know, the truth, though it doesn't matter anymore.

Gong Xi Fa Cai and have a Happy Bunny Year ahead, people.
FML.

I miss old days

Today's mood :>
it has been half year since that day. i've never seen you since then. i know u've moved on and i shouldn't have even care about it. and im sure u don't even miss the days we have been tru together.

it's really like a smack in my head and woke up and wondering what happened. things that we used to do together suddenly nvr happen again. i always thought that i'm reaching the ending that i expected and wanted, but my future just changed within a night.

i couldn't hide anymore. i didn't tell anybody that i still miss u. still crying for u now. in fact, i don't have anybody to talk to. u didn't know that i have no choice that day. u didn't know how cruel u've been that night.

u don't know that i didn't want to let go even u broke my heart. that's bcuz i wan to live the rest of my life with u. tell me what happened that night and after that. i really wanted to listen to u, talk, and we get over it. but u don't know the reason why i can't talk to u. that the time i need u the most.

just come. and take me away with u. i miss u, and the old days.

Random

Today's mood :>

I'm listening Jaycee Fong's Liang Ge Ren (2 person), super emo song. argh.

Maybe I don't know how to live with another half of me. No matter how much I desperate for hugs, caring or love.

My path is a one-way-street and I can't turn back anymore. I miss, i do miss, miss everything in the past. A smile or laughter would satisfy me.

It's not that I get emo everytime I drank. It's just that beer can make your cautious level drops, hence my right brain take over left brain and let go of my inner emo. I'm not random, but I hope someone could understand me. I hope that someone would appear and give me a hug and cry with me...