Today's mood :>
it has been half year since that day. i've never seen you since then. i know u've moved on and i shouldn't have even care about it. and im sure u don't even miss the days we have been tru together.
it's really like a smack in my head and woke up and wondering what happened. things that we used to do together suddenly nvr happen again. i always thought that i'm reaching the ending that i expected and wanted, but my future just changed within a night.
i couldn't hide anymore. i didn't tell anybody that i still miss u. still crying for u now. in fact, i don't have anybody to talk to. u didn't know that i have no choice that day. u didn't know how cruel u've been that night.
u don't know that i didn't want to let go even u broke my heart. that's bcuz i wan to live the rest of my life with u. tell me what happened that night and after that. i really wanted to listen to u, talk, and we get over it. but u don't know the reason why i can't talk to u. that the time i need u the most.
just come. and take me away with u. i miss u, and the old days.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Random
Today's mood :>
I'm listening Jaycee Fong's Liang Ge Ren (2 person), super emo song. argh.
Maybe I don't know how to live with another half of me. No matter how much I desperate for hugs, caring or love.
My path is a one-way-street and I can't turn back anymore. I miss, i do miss, miss everything in the past. A smile or laughter would satisfy me.
It's not that I get emo everytime I drank. It's just that beer can make your cautious level drops, hence my right brain take over left brain and let go of my inner emo. I'm not random, but I hope someone could understand me. I hope that someone would appear and give me a hug and cry with me...
I'm listening Jaycee Fong's Liang Ge Ren (2 person), super emo song. argh.
Maybe I don't know how to live with another half of me. No matter how much I desperate for hugs, caring or love.
My path is a one-way-street and I can't turn back anymore. I miss, i do miss, miss everything in the past. A smile or laughter would satisfy me.
It's not that I get emo everytime I drank. It's just that beer can make your cautious level drops, hence my right brain take over left brain and let go of my inner emo. I'm not random, but I hope someone could understand me. I hope that someone would appear and give me a hug and cry with me...
Monday, September 13, 2010
The loneliness of single life
Today's mood :>
Honestly I had never been single since...Form 2.
And it's my first time being so 'free' since started working.
Kinda depressed. I used to have his companion.
I tried to enjoy being alone,
but I still wish to have someone to share my joy and tears with.
Wholly I tried to give my true heart away,
but everybody starts to tear it off now..as if it doesn't cost a thing.
So stupid. I started evaluate myself. Foolish dumb.
I looked so high on myself,
but nobody thought like what I think of myself.
This is the truth.
I thought I'm trustworthy, but in fact, nobody trust me.
I thought I'm a good girlfriend, but in fact, my ex doesn't feel the same.
I thought I could be a soulmate, but in fact, they never open their hearts for me.
I'm feeling like I'm waiting for something..
but what/who am I waiting for?
God, please tell me, did You make the another half of me?
Or I'm made to be alone and live in my own world?
Honestly I had never been single since...Form 2.
And it's my first time being so 'free' since started working.
Kinda depressed. I used to have his companion.
I tried to enjoy being alone,
but I still wish to have someone to share my joy and tears with.
Wholly I tried to give my true heart away,
but everybody starts to tear it off now..as if it doesn't cost a thing.
So stupid. I started evaluate myself. Foolish dumb.
I looked so high on myself,
but nobody thought like what I think of myself.
This is the truth.
I thought I'm trustworthy, but in fact, nobody trust me.
I thought I'm a good girlfriend, but in fact, my ex doesn't feel the same.
I thought I could be a soulmate, but in fact, they never open their hearts for me.
I'm feeling like I'm waiting for something..
but what/who am I waiting for?
God, please tell me, did You make the another half of me?
Or I'm made to be alone and live in my own world?
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Stalker
Today's mood :>
I should stop stalking.
There's enough evidence of him dating her.
Why am I reading other ppl's love story?
Tell me what so bad about me and what I've done wrong.
I'm not being confident but I usually could judge myself.
I didn't dare to face him last night.
I tried to avoid unneeded complicated atmosphere.
Afraid that I couldn't help myself and fall again.
But it's clear enough.
He is a teenager.
He doesn't serious on relationship.
He is lack of the sense of responsibility.
He doesn't respect love.
He had already lost every byte of memory about me.
Which I nicely kept it in my brain.
He had found another girl and moved on.
And I should also
.
.
.
Stand up. Step out. Move on.
I should stop stalking.
There's enough evidence of him dating her.
Why am I reading other ppl's love story?
Tell me what so bad about me and what I've done wrong.
I'm not being confident but I usually could judge myself.
I didn't dare to face him last night.
I tried to avoid unneeded complicated atmosphere.
Afraid that I couldn't help myself and fall again.
But it's clear enough.
He is a teenager.
He doesn't serious on relationship.
He is lack of the sense of responsibility.
He doesn't respect love.
He had already lost every byte of memory about me.
Which I nicely kept it in my brain.
He had found another girl and moved on.
And I should also
.
.
.
Stand up. Step out. Move on.
Friday, September 03, 2010
In a fight
Today's mood :>
Nobody can give u true happiness but yourself.
A person who can make u laugh is the person who can make u cry too.
My friend said,
it's just that I haven't found the right person to love and be loved.
I love this line.
I know u'r bored with this miserable side of me.
Whom u tried so hard to save from depression,
yet I fell again.
Please forgive me,
and don't give up on me yet.
I might not be a good friend,
but I'm glad to have u by my side.
.
.
.
I'm in a fight with my own emotion.
Nobody can give u true happiness but yourself.
A person who can make u laugh is the person who can make u cry too.
My friend said,
it's just that I haven't found the right person to love and be loved.
I love this line.
I know u'r bored with this miserable side of me.
Whom u tried so hard to save from depression,
yet I fell again.
Please forgive me,
and don't give up on me yet.
I might not be a good friend,
but I'm glad to have u by my side.
.
.
.
I'm in a fight with my own emotion.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Is it just me?
Today's mood :>
Clock's ticking...
I don't know if his FB status are referring me. my heart goes 50/50.
I hope yes, maybe no.
Why can't we talk over it?
Why can't we talk?
Why can't we?
Phone's not ringing...
I've been waiting for months to hear my phone ringing that special ringtone.
I hope yes, right now.
Who is the one you can give your heart to?
Who is the one you can live without?
Who is the one you can share secrets?
.
.
.
Jealousy is killing me, and my hope too.
Clock's ticking...
I don't know if his FB status are referring me. my heart goes 50/50.
I hope yes, maybe no.
Why can't we talk over it?
Why can't we talk?
Why can't we?
Phone's not ringing...
I've been waiting for months to hear my phone ringing that special ringtone.
I hope yes, right now.
Who is the one you can give your heart to?
Who is the one you can live without?
Who is the one you can share secrets?
.
.
.
Jealousy is killing me, and my hope too.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Closest Stranger
Today's mood :>
I tot it has been too long that we didn't meet each other,
that's why we become the closest stranger to each other.
But now it doesn't seem like that anymore.
It became totally stranger.
I don't know u anymore..
the distance between our heart is further than the milky way.
I can't sense u.
I can't remember ur voice.
I can't recall the feeling i felt with u.
I can't imagine how we hugged and kissed.
I can't feel like we know each other.
But I feel really depressed.
I still don't want to accept that i might already able to let go of u.
.
.
.
Or I can't accept that u left?
I tot it has been too long that we didn't meet each other,
that's why we become the closest stranger to each other.
But now it doesn't seem like that anymore.
It became totally stranger.
I don't know u anymore..
the distance between our heart is further than the milky way.
I can't sense u.
I can't remember ur voice.
I can't recall the feeling i felt with u.
I can't imagine how we hugged and kissed.
I can't feel like we know each other.
But I feel really depressed.
I still don't want to accept that i might already able to let go of u.
.
.
.
Or I can't accept that u left?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I don't know why
Today's mood :>
Damn.
I can't sleep. Let's give it an excuse, i took afternoon nap at 5pm.
i dunno why i like to live my life like a math question.
we don't really need an answer to everything i guess.
we don't need to know everything.
all we need is just to make ourselves happy without making others suffer.
what's going on with u?
what's going on with me?
what's going on with us?
what's going on with this world?
i feel like watching stars. i wanna be a star. (not celebrity)
be out of the space, be out of the noise, be out of the emotion
but i don't wanna leave this world..
what am i waiting for? what am i looking forward to?
.
.
.
maybe i never know how to make myself happy.
Damn.
I can't sleep. Let's give it an excuse, i took afternoon nap at 5pm.
i dunno why i like to live my life like a math question.
we don't really need an answer to everything i guess.
we don't need to know everything.
all we need is just to make ourselves happy without making others suffer.
what's going on with u?
what's going on with me?
what's going on with us?
what's going on with this world?
i feel like watching stars. i wanna be a star. (not celebrity)
be out of the space, be out of the noise, be out of the emotion
but i don't wanna leave this world..
what am i waiting for? what am i looking forward to?
.
.
.
maybe i never know how to make myself happy.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Interviews
Today's mood :>
I'm looking for job, so I applied 3 jobs in JobStreet. 2 replied. And both interviewed on last Thursday. 1 is walk-in interview, another 1 is phone interview.
Interview #1
I reached there half an hour earlier than appointed time. So I filled up the application form and then waited for about 15 mins for the interviewer to come in office and interview me. While I was waiting, I looked around and found out that the company is kinda old school for me as a web design agency. There's no LCD screen to be seen, but 3 netbooks and 2 CRT (1 supposed to be the server and the other 1 was receptionist one). There's an aquarium with fishes inside and a punch card machine which I think is good, OT will be counted :D
The interviewer read through my resume and asked me why did I resign from the companies ONE BY ONE. And silly me told him the truth. I quit from Company A because my senior was leaving, there's nobody to guide me or even teach me new stuff plus the company has sucks management, always OT till late night. He 'replied' me with boss' voice "Office is a place for you to work, NOT A SCHOOL". And I thought "no wonder your company website still stay in 90's look and never update, cuz you scared of learning new stuff". I quit from Company B because I wanted to help out my bf's company which also a web design company. He again 'replied' me "now you did the biggest mistake in our line. what a company scared most is you get client from company and make them yours". This I can understand, but I never did that, God knows. I'm a trustworthy person k, but he's too afraid to trust his employee then I can't help lah.
So conclusion, he told me his company's 'rules' that 1)I have to work for 12 months once I'm employed and not allowed to resign to ensure I work more than 1 year 2)After you resign, you can't own business of same interest with the company for at least 12 months. If you can accept this, please wait for our feedback.
Interview #2
This interviewer called from Singapore, he sounds like 'guai lou' @_@ First I sked I can't understand but so far so good.. I can mostly understand his english. He asked me about the company I worked in previously ONE BY ONE, it's not about how I resign, but how I felt working in those companies. I even told him I can't pass the probation in the first company, that was because I was too fresh and lack of working experience.
After I told him everything about me, then he told me everything about the agency, from top to bottom, from head to toe. OMG ><" He said there's alot talented creative person in the company who can lead me to higher level and they interested in explore new media and apply on the clients' projects accordingly. That is exactly what I'm looking for.
BUT, there's a test awaits me. A flash banner and a flash microsite, to test my conceptualizing and design skills. If they like them, then I'll be 'invited' to do presentation to them to test my communication skills. @_@ I seriously feel stress though I like that. This kinda test will really show whether the interviewee is dragon or worm. I wish I could handle it le..hmm.
Well that's all ba. Wish me luck! ><"
I'm looking for job, so I applied 3 jobs in JobStreet. 2 replied. And both interviewed on last Thursday. 1 is walk-in interview, another 1 is phone interview.
Interview #1
I reached there half an hour earlier than appointed time. So I filled up the application form and then waited for about 15 mins for the interviewer to come in office and interview me. While I was waiting, I looked around and found out that the company is kinda old school for me as a web design agency. There's no LCD screen to be seen, but 3 netbooks and 2 CRT (1 supposed to be the server and the other 1 was receptionist one). There's an aquarium with fishes inside and a punch card machine which I think is good, OT will be counted :D
The interviewer read through my resume and asked me why did I resign from the companies ONE BY ONE. And silly me told him the truth. I quit from Company A because my senior was leaving, there's nobody to guide me or even teach me new stuff plus the company has sucks management, always OT till late night. He 'replied' me with boss' voice "Office is a place for you to work, NOT A SCHOOL". And I thought "no wonder your company website still stay in 90's look and never update, cuz you scared of learning new stuff". I quit from Company B because I wanted to help out my bf's company which also a web design company. He again 'replied' me "now you did the biggest mistake in our line. what a company scared most is you get client from company and make them yours". This I can understand, but I never did that, God knows. I'm a trustworthy person k, but he's too afraid to trust his employee then I can't help lah.
So conclusion, he told me his company's 'rules' that 1)I have to work for 12 months once I'm employed and not allowed to resign to ensure I work more than 1 year 2)After you resign, you can't own business of same interest with the company for at least 12 months. If you can accept this, please wait for our feedback.
Interview #2
This interviewer called from Singapore, he sounds like 'guai lou' @_@ First I sked I can't understand but so far so good.. I can mostly understand his english. He asked me about the company I worked in previously ONE BY ONE, it's not about how I resign, but how I felt working in those companies. I even told him I can't pass the probation in the first company, that was because I was too fresh and lack of working experience.
After I told him everything about me, then he told me everything about the agency, from top to bottom, from head to toe. OMG ><" He said there's alot talented creative person in the company who can lead me to higher level and they interested in explore new media and apply on the clients' projects accordingly. That is exactly what I'm looking for.
BUT, there's a test awaits me. A flash banner and a flash microsite, to test my conceptualizing and design skills. If they like them, then I'll be 'invited' to do presentation to them to test my communication skills. @_@ I seriously feel stress though I like that. This kinda test will really show whether the interviewee is dragon or worm. I wish I could handle it le..hmm.
Well that's all ba. Wish me luck! ><"
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I'm single
Today's mood :>
Ok. This is no April Fool's joke. Serious.
R.I.P
(1 Jan 2007 - 5 April 2010)
Ok. This is no April Fool's joke. Serious.
R.I.P
(1 Jan 2007 - 5 April 2010)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Nocturnes 夜曲
Today's mood :>
I actually like to listen to nocturnes.. especially when im alone or at night.. it makes me feel calm.. very hard to describe.. something like floating in the sky of stars.. freedom and peace..hmm.. listen to the video below then u get what i mean..
I actually like to listen to nocturnes.. especially when im alone or at night.. it makes me feel calm.. very hard to describe.. something like floating in the sky of stars.. freedom and peace..hmm.. listen to the video below then u get what i mean..
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Down
Today's mood :>
Hey. Someone asked for my blog URL, so I better post something XP
I'm not in the mood these days. Erm.. Lost a friend. NO, he's still alive! Just realized that he removed me as friend in FB. I know it's small stuff, nothing important though. I just wonder why ler.. becuz i didnt comment on his posts? Or i'm just not having enough value to stay in his friend list? I didn't click "Add as friend" again. Just let it be ba..
There's always bottom line on everything.
You should care about others more than yourself but not until you hurt your ownself.
You should care about yourself but not until you hurt someone else.
Find the middle line and stick with it.
I wish, Friendship Forever.
ps : i still like choki2, stopped eating it doesnt mean i hate it. *peace*
Hey. Someone asked for my blog URL, so I better post something XP
I'm not in the mood these days. Erm.. Lost a friend. NO, he's still alive! Just realized that he removed me as friend in FB. I know it's small stuff, nothing important though. I just wonder why ler.. becuz i didnt comment on his posts? Or i'm just not having enough value to stay in his friend list? I didn't click "Add as friend" again. Just let it be ba..
There's always bottom line on everything.
You should care about others more than yourself but not until you hurt your ownself.
You should care about yourself but not until you hurt someone else.
Find the middle line and stick with it.
I wish, Friendship Forever.
ps : i still like choki2, stopped eating it doesnt mean i hate it. *peace*
Monday, February 01, 2010
Inspired
Today's mood :>
LOL why i suddenly blog, cuz today i watched TVIQ (yeah, small kid channel), The English Room, it was about blogging.. so er.. just some random update! mwuahaha.. if you ever wonder where had i been and how am i after quitting my job in august, here it is!
Since i quit my job in August 2009, im now a fulltime freelancer doing web designs. not fulltime housewife, i still do work to earn my own money. sometimes (well, most of the times) i'll be knitting or crocheting something, one after another. I'm kinda into handicraft/handmake stuff, not pro, just interested. so i suddenly bought 2 domains and still not yet design anything yet. those 2 are, meow.com.my and zakka.com.my. NO, don't click on them, still waiting for me to stretch my lazy bones. ><" but do feel free to check out my knitting/crochet works in flickr..
other than staying at home doing basically nothing but surfing net, i do go to gym.. haha.. wth, im gaining weight instead of losing it. my little (too much) tummy just love me so much, it doesnt wanna get off me.. so I'm still the same.. maybe suppers problem.. sigh.
Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Hei Fatt Choy to everybody.. :)
LOL why i suddenly blog, cuz today i watched TVIQ (yeah, small kid channel), The English Room, it was about blogging.. so er.. just some random update! mwuahaha.. if you ever wonder where had i been and how am i after quitting my job in august, here it is!
Since i quit my job in August 2009, im now a fulltime freelancer doing web designs. not fulltime housewife, i still do work to earn my own money. sometimes (well, most of the times) i'll be knitting or crocheting something, one after another. I'm kinda into handicraft/handmake stuff, not pro, just interested. so i suddenly bought 2 domains and still not yet design anything yet. those 2 are, meow.com.my and zakka.com.my. NO, don't click on them, still waiting for me to stretch my lazy bones. ><" but do feel free to check out my knitting/crochet works in flickr..
other than staying at home doing basically nothing but surfing net, i do go to gym.. haha.. wth, im gaining weight instead of losing it. my little (too much) tummy just love me so much, it doesnt wanna get off me.. so I'm still the same.. maybe suppers problem.. sigh.
Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Hei Fatt Choy to everybody.. :)
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